Chaos is Relative
by Reiko x 3
Summary: THIS.....is a peek into a truely chaotic place. Even I can't make sense of it! It is.........my mind. (Dark & Rei: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) May you emerge in one piece. One-shot.


Chaos is Relative  
  
By: Reiko  
  
A/N: Reiko: Hey everyone! This is my first humor fic so be nice. This is basically an example of what goes on in my mind. And I go through this every day....with no breaks...... I just depressed myself again.  
  
Rei: Let the chaos begin! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Dark: Urusai baka!  
  
Rei: Hidoi!  
  
Reiko: -_-; Yare yare..... *waves you on to fic*  
  
Disclaimer: I only own myself, my alternate personas, and my mind (and sometimes not even that....).   
  
Reiko: *glances up from Inu-Yasha manga and waves* Greetings. Before we continue I must inform you that yes I am insane and I'm proud of it; besides I don't believe in sanity, or the concept of 'normal' either.  
  
Dark: *smirks* Neither do we, but who cares.  
  
Rei: *off screen* POCKY!! PockypockypockypockypockyPOCKY!!!  
  
Dark: 0.0 *runs off screen* GET AWAY FROM MY PERSONAL STASH DAMMIT!!  
  
(various crashes, explosions, yelps, and curses ensue followed by a heavy silence.)  
  
Reiko: -.-; I don't even want to know....... Anyway, let me introduce everyone. The girl in black with the red eyes who just ran off was Dark, my sadistic persona, and the one yammering on about pocky earlier was Rei, my insanely hyper persona. They manifested about the same time that I accidentally sealed off my emotions in 6th grade in a desperate attempt to control my temper, and have been here ever since.  
  
( Dark walks back on screen with a smug smirk, dragging a tied up girl in really bright flashy clothes)   
  
Dark: That'll teach you to mess around with my stuff.  
  
Rei: *gagged* Mph! Memph mm mo! (translation: Hey! Let me go!)  
  
Dark: *opens a box of pocky* Forget it! You're lucky I didn't lock you in the cage with the scorpions this time.  
  
Reiko: .....And I live with this every day. *sighs* Anyway, they *gestures to the various anime/video game characters hanging around the room* are pretty much permanent residents here. They are, well, parts of the souls of the originals that I accidentally trapped here in physical form. Say hi, guys!  
  
Everybody but Bakura: Hi....  
  
Bakura : Not on your life.  
  
Dark: *glare* SAY IT!!!!!  
  
Bakura : *grumbles* Fine.........hi.  
  
Reiko: I have crushes on 6 of the characters here: Ryo Sanada, Ken Ichijouji, Yamato Ishida, Magus, Sephiroth, and Kuja. The rest are characters who I think are cool, whose shows I like, and, in one case, first crush.  
  
Sonic: That would be me. I've been here a lot longer than the others have. Ever since she was in 4th grade.  
  
Reiko: Considering I'm 18 now, you can guess how long it's been. The fact that he isn't a complete lunatic by now is quite impressive.  
  
Sonic: *raised eyebrow* Thanks......I think.  
  
Dark: This is the original Sonic, mind you, not the one with green eyes.  
  
Rei: *removes gag* Phleh. Did you have to tie me up?  
  
Dark: It was either that, the scorpions, or *shudder* Cardcaptors.  
  
Rei: O_O SPEAK NOT THE EVIL! SPEAK NOT THE EVIL!!!!!!!!  
  
Reiko: IF I may continue. *glares*  
  
Dark & Rei: Sorry.  
  
Reiko: Thank you. Kuja, Magus, Sephiroth, Bakura, and Sesshomaru are usually in a group off to the side for several reasons; the main one being that they all have white, light blue, or silver hair. Anyway, what you are about to see are clips of what goes on in my head. Please don't flame me if I pick on a character you like. Everyone has their own opinions, but I'd appreciate it if people would stop trying to change or insult mine. Unless, of course, they wish to receive the same treatment.   
  
(clip #1: Typical argument)  
  
*Dark is sitting in a corner sharpening one of her swords, while Rei is pacing back and forth. Reiko is reading The Silmarillion for the 23rd time, while the Silver/White/Blue group are playing cards*  
  
Rei: *flops on a sofa* I'm soooo bored! *perks up* I know! *starts singing* I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes!  
  
Dark: *growls* Shut up Rei.  
  
Rei: No! *continues singing*  
  
Dark: *glares* I'm warning you.....  
  
Reiko: *glances up* Oh no, not again.  
  
Rei: *grin* Ooooooooooooooh, pocky pocky pocky! I love you so! Pocky pocky pocky.....um.......even better than dominos!  
  
Dark: *twitch* That's it. YOU ARE SO DEAD REI!!!!!!  
  
Rei: O_O Eep! *runs away*  
  
Kuja: *glances up* They're at it again.  
  
*All start watching Rei run away from a seriously mad Dark*  
  
Magus: You know, this is much more entertaining than playing 'Magic: the Gathering'.  
  
Others: *nod*  
  
Sephiroth: I'm surprised she hasn't used ultima, yet.  
  
Sesshomaru: She used that yesterday. Besides, she has her katana out. She's probably going to use a sword technique.  
  
Bakura: Which one do you think it'll be?  
  
Sephiroth: Looks like she's charging up for 'Omnislash.'  
  
Bakura: How do you know?  
  
Sephiroth: *dryly* I've been on the receiving end before, I think I'd know.  
  
Dark: *glowing* OMNISLASH!!!!  
  
Rei: _ This is gonna hurt......  
  
*huge explosion engulfs the entire area*  
  
Rei: Oww....... @_@  
  
Dark: *smirk* Serves you right. *goes back to sharpening her sword*  
  
Kuja: *drops the Reflect shield* Perhaps I shouldn't have promised to teach her how to cast Flare Star.  
  
Everyone else: YOU DID WHAT!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Reiko: -_-' We're doomed......  
  
(end clip #1)  
  
Dark: By the way, Kuja, I never did thank you for teaching me that spell.   
  
Kuja: *waves* Think nothing of it.  
  
Reiko: *sighs* Next clip.  
  
(clip #2: Reaction to dubbed episode of Sailor Moon)  
  
Dark: Dammit, they cut out all the death scenes! I was looking forward to that part.  
  
Rei: *sarcastically* What a surprise......   
  
Reiko: *growl* Stupid editors/censors. THIS WASN'T A LITTLE KID'S SHOW YA KNOW!!!!! *launches into a major rant*  
  
Hotaru/Sailor Saturn: *blink* She can be rather frightening when she's angry...  
  
Rei & Dark: -_- You have no idea.......  
  
Sonic: *snorts* If you think this is bad, just wait until someone mentions (.)(.) ..... *whisper* Cardcaptors.  
  
Dark, Reiko, & Rei: *twitch* What.....did......you......say......?  
  
Sonic: *pales* Oh no.........  
  
Yugi: *clueless* What?  
  
Sephiroth: *sighs* Now you've done it. *turns to others* Everyone got their earplugs?  
  
Everybody: *nod*  
  
Sephiroth: *inserts his earplugs* Good. Prepare for Cardcaptors rant.  
  
Everybody: *insert earplugs and dive behind a hastily constructed furniture fortress*  
  
Dark, Reiko, & Rei: *completely snap* @#$%^%$#***^(*^$^ DUBBERS!!!!! YOU CUT OUT THE ENTIRE FIRST SEASON AND MOVED THE ENTIRE SERIES TO AMERICA!!!! HOW ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN SAKURA'S DREAMS AT THE TOKYO TOWER!?!?!? AND ALSO, HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET MADISON OUT OF TOMOYO!?!?!?! NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT KERO SOUNDS LIKE A NEW YORK GANGSTER!!! YOU ALSO MISPRONOUNCED EVERY ONE'S NAMES!!! IT'S SAKURA NOT SAKURA, DAMN IT!!!!!! YOU COMPLETELY BUTCHERED IT, @$$HOLES!!!! CURSE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yugi: Do they get like this often?  
  
Kuja: No. Only after watching badly dubbed anime, which they usually avoid.  
  
Bakura: Thank Ra for that. They're killing my hearing, even with the earplugs.  
  
Ryou: *yelling* WHAT?  
  
Bakura: Thus proving my point. Thanks hikari.  
  
Ryou: *yelling* WHAT?  
  
(end clip #2)  
  
Dark: *sweatdrop* Were we really that bad?  
  
Ryou: *yelling* WHAT?  
  
Bakura: -_-' And this is after therapy.  
  
Yugi: Therapy? How'd you manage that? We can't get out of here, last I checked.  
  
Bakura: *gestures to G-boys* Barton is very good at dealing with hearing damage. *evil grin* After all, he has to deal with Maxwell.  
  
Duo: HEY! I'm not THAT bad!  
  
Other G-Boys: Yes, you are!  
  
Duo: *stares at the wall* Humph!  
  
Rei: NEXT CLIP!  
  
(clip #3: Yu-Gi-Oh!)  
  
Reiko: You know, I think Bakura may be going a little to far with his vengeance issues.  
  
Dark: Agreed. I know he wants revenge for the death of his village at the hands of Yami's father, but does he have to drag everyone else into it.  
  
Bakura: *sulk* That bastard killed my family and friends, and I've had to wait 5000 years to get my chance to avenge their deaths. I think I'm fully justified in my actions.  
  
Yami: True, but it was my father who attacked your village, not me. The only connection I had to the event was my being the son of the Pharaoh.  
  
Bakura: *glare* Do you expect me to wait until I die to get my revenge because it isn't happening. I tried to avenge my village's massacre, but I was captured before I reached his tomb!  
  
Yami: *glares back* Tomb robbing is a crime that I was not going to let go unpunished. Even though my father and I didn't exactly get along, destroying a Pharaoh's mummy borders on sacrilege!  
  
Rei: Not again....  
  
Magus: Figures, this happens every time someone mentions Bakura's vengeance issues.  
  
Duo: Same as with Wu-man's justice rants.  
  
Wufei: *glares* My name is Wufei, Maxwell, not Wu-wu, Wuffie, or Wu-man, Wufei!!  
  
Duo: Whatever you say........Wuffers.  
  
Wufei: KISAMA! *pulls out his katana* Your braid is history, Maxwell!  
  
Duo: EEP! *runs away*  
  
*cue standard Duo chase*  
  
Dark: *eyes light up at Wufei's katana* Ooh! Sword!  
  
*Yami and Bakura quit glaring at each other as Duo runs past them*  
  
Bakura: .......He never learns does he.  
  
Yami: Nope. Though I will admit it tends to be very entertaining.  
  
Bakura: *nods in agreement* We'll continue our argument later.  
  
Yami: Agreed.  
  
Reiko: *blinks* Well that was sudden. *turns attention back to TV* Ooh, Red-Eyes!  
  
Dark & Rei: *dash over to TV* WHAT!?  
  
Kuja: *scans a Red-Eyes Black Dragon card* Wow, impressive. Not as strong as a Blue-Eyes though.  
  
Dark: True, but it's still so cool!  
  
Rei: Kuriboh are still cuter, though!^-^  
  
Reiko: Yep! Why do you think Stone Liger and I keep looking for a Kuriboh card? They may not be strong individually, but they're sooooo kawaii!  
  
Yugi: *sweatdrop* They sure do change topics fast.  
  
Ken: *sighs* You'll get used to it. Trust me.  
  
(end clip #3)  
  
Reiko: That was a rather abrupt conversation change.  
  
Dark: *shrug* We jump from topic to topic all the time. It's not that unusual.......for us I mean.  
  
Rei: *nods* Yep.   
  
Kuja: Next clip! *examines label and smirks* Hm, this should be interesting.  
  
(clip #4: Halloween)  
  
Dark: *glances at a calendar* 0.0 ALL RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! *maniacal laughter* MY TIME APPROACHETH!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!  
  
Malik: What's she so excited about?  
  
Ryo: *grins* You'll see....  
  
Reiko: *checks calendar* Hm, it's October already.  
  
Rei: *pales* O.O EEP!!  
  
Yugi: What's wrong Rei?  
  
Rei: *whimpering* . I'm doomed, I tell you, doooooooomed!  
  
Kuja: Reiko let's Dark have the most control around Halloween. The problem is, Dark tends to get a little overenthusiastic sometimes.  
  
Dark: *still laughing* FREEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!  
  
Reiko: *sighs* Try not to go overboard this year, okay?  
  
Dark: *finally calms down* I'll try, but no guarantees. *smirks*  
  
Reiko: Just don't kill anyone, or frighten them more than necessary. I'm enough of an outcast as it is.  
  
Malik: I'm almost afraid to ask, but what can she do to make your situation any worse than it already is?  
  
Dark: Excellent question! *evil grin* There are many things I could do. I could describe my favorite torture techniques in detail, I could explain just why mental torture is so much more entertaining than physical torture, I could make a list of my least favorite people and what I'd like to do to them, and so much more.  
  
Malik: -_-' I knew I shouldn't have asked........  
  
(end clip #4)  
  
Ryou: Even Malik's Yami isn't that bad.....  
  
Malik: Why do you think I regretted asking?  
  
Dark: *grins* I love Halloween!  
  
Reiko: *sigh* So do I, but I'm really starting to think you enjoy this time of year a little to much.  
  
Dark: Maybe, but would you rather I acted like this all year round.  
  
Reiko: Point taken.   
  
Sephiroth: You sure seemed to enjoy this clip, Kuja.  
  
Kuja: *shrugs* It's entertaining. Besides, Rei usually leaves us alone for most of the month.  
  
Sephiroth: True. It's nice not to be glomped every three days.  
  
Ryo: Next clip!  
  
(clip #5: Halloween's over)  
  
Rei: YES!!!! HALLOWEEN'S OVER!!!! MY TORMENT HATH ENDED!!!!  
  
* Beethoven's 'Ode to Joy' is playing in the background as Rei celebrates. Dark is nowhere to be seen, but Reiko is standing in front of a dark corner with an exasperated look on her face.*  
  
Reiko: Will you stop moping around already Dark? You've been in this corner for an entire week!  
  
Dark: *is ignoring Reiko* One year.....I have to wait an entire year before Halloween returns. My life has no meaning. CURSE THE FATES! WHY MUST I BE SUBJECTED TO THIS TORMENT!? *starts sobbing hysterically*  
  
Reiko: *rolls eyes* It's not that bad. I have to wait a full year for summer vacation, but do you see me despairing over it?  
  
Ryou: Is she like this every year?  
  
Ken: Unfortunately, yes. The length of time she spends being depressed varies though.  
  
Dark: *still sobbing* I'll never make it. Oh cruel, cruel world what have I done to deserve this agony?! *pauses* No wait. Forget I asked that. *starts crying again*  
  
Reiko: *throws arms up* I give up.  
  
Rei: *singing along* La la la la la! La la la la! La la la la la la la! I am free-ee, I am free- ee, I am finally-ee free! *switches to Handel's Messiah* Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah, hallelujah, hale-ay-lujah!!  
  
Reiko: *glares* You're not helping, Rei.  
  
Rei: *grins* I don't care! The longer she's depressed, the longer I am free from the fear of being tortured!  
  
Kuja, Magus, Sephiroth, Bakura, Yami Malik, and Sesshomaru: *evil grins* We can fix that problem.  
  
Rei: O_O Eep!  
  
(end clip #5)  
  
Kuja, Magus, Sephiroth, Bakura, Yami Malik, and Sesshomaru: *snickering*  
  
Reiko: How did Yami Malik get in here?  
  
Malik: The Sennen Rod. I brought it with me and he was hiding inside the blasted thing.  
  
Dark: *to Yami Malik* As much as I appreciate your willingness to help torture the annoying one.....  
  
Rei: *interrupts* Hey! I'm not that bad!  
  
Dark: *glare* Don't interrupt me if you value your continued good health.   
  
Rei: Shutting up.  
  
Dark: Good girl. Anyway, *continues with her earlier topic* I must warn you that if you irritate me, try to control my mind or anyone else's, are rude to any of the characters I like, or cause any unnecessary chaos. I will make you wish you had never left the Rod in the first place. Understand.  
  
Yami Malik: *smug* A mere mortal like you can't hurt me.  
  
Bakura: Yes she can. We're in her realm which means she is practically omnipotent. Trust me. I know from experience.  
  
Yami Malik: *still unfazed* Prove it.  
  
Dark: *coldly* With pleasure. *evil smirk* You will learn that it is not wise to anger me.  
  
Malik: Let me guess. She's going to cast a spell isn't she.  
  
Magus: *nods* It looks like one of the spells Kuja taught her.  
  
Malik: Which one?  
  
Kuja: *calmly* Flare Star. One of my favorite spells and one of the most powerful. *smirks* She's very good with that spell.  
  
Malik: I see. *grins* Then this ought to be very fun to watch.  
  
Bakura: *sitting on a couch that randomly appeared* Without a doubt. *holds out popcorn bowl* Care to join me?  
  
Malik: Sure. *sits down* Where'd the couch come from?  
  
Bakura: Courtesy of Dark for our viewing pleasure. She can be quite nice if you don't make her mad at you.  
  
Kuja: Quiet. The spell's almost fully charged.  
  
Malik: Ok. *smirks* I'm glad I'm not my Yami right now.  
  
Dark: *ominously* Now you shall pay the consequences for angering me.  
  
Yami Malik: *looking slightly worried* What are you planning?  
  
Dark: *evil smirk* You'll see. *raises hand* FLARE STAR!!  
  
*HUGE explosion. Even bigger than the Omnislash explosion*  
  
Yami Malik: *charred* Owwww... *passes out*  
  
Dark: That was fun. ^-^  
  
Reiko: Sometimes I worry about you, Dark. *sigh* Oh well, I guess that's it for now. I hope you've enjoyed this trip through my psyche. Please read and review, and no flaming my fic either. I don't take criticism very well.  
  
Dark: No kidding. Of course, 16 years of being teased tends to make you more than a little sensitive.  
  
Reiko: *sighs* Tell me about it. Oh well, Ja ne minna!  
  
Dark & Rei: Ja ne! 


End file.
